Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Growing Pains

Today marks the official anniversary--one year that we have (as a family) lived in Arapahoe.  It is strange to think that one year ago this evening I was up to my ears in boxes, and strange because I can't believe it's just been one year.  It kind of feels like it has been five.  I think--because it was a year that stretched me in so many different ways, forced me to learn a thousand tiny little lessons--I think those reasons made it feel like a much longer period of time.

I've tried a few times now to put down all my feelings about this move, but I can't seem to make sense of them or organize my thoughts with any cohesiveness.  While I aim for contentedness, knowing this is where God wants us, there remains a longing for the old life back in Lincoln. There are great things that we have experienced here, but a wistfulness lingers.  Sometimes this feels like a "waiting place."  And yet I never want to look at it that way.  Each day we have I want to live fully because we aren't promised any more than that.  I need to always embrace where I'm at RIGHT NOW, and be thankful for it.

This summer Marissa really shot up in height.  One day I think she was a little girl and now I'm asking her to sit down when I braid her hair because she is literally right under my nose.  At different points she experienced some pretty severe pain in her legs--so bad at times she would actually limp about the house.  We found a nice long soak in a warm bathtub helped immensely, and eased her through the worst of it.  While we know her growing has been a good thing--something that is supposed to happen--the truth is, it hurt.  Similarly, this last year I believe has brought forth a lot of growth for me, but the process has been kind of painful.  I've been thinking a lot on that--growing hurts!  The learning of a tricky piano passage or trying to make words flow together better or attempting a new craft or navigating a new town or {fill in the blank}--it is all wrought with struggle and fumblings, failings and trying-again.  Over and over and over.  It's true of our physical lives and true of our spiritual lives.  I cannot think of a single instance where growth in a particular area came about with ease or through giving up.  Obviously, God meant it to be this way.

With each trial I have struggled through God has taught me something new.  They have shaped and changed me immensely.  He's not done with me here yet.  We're settling into all our familiar school-year routines, the ones that were so brand-new and strange feeling last year--now slip on with a bit more ease.  And we're sad looking at all that is getting going at our Lincoln church--those feelings of missing out still linger.  But I know in the end, He wants us here.  I know in the end, His way is always best.  I don't always understand, but I just keep moving forward.
Philippians 1:6
For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.


Anna said...

Amen! A well-chosen title for an encouraging note...and I have to say, it DOES seem like longer than a year!
...and 2 Peter 4:19 comes to mind. Knowing this difficult thing is the will of God, you are 'entrusting your soul to a faithful Creator in doing what is right.' ...keep hanging in there and doing the right thing--you are a great encouragement, Deary! *hugs*

Kathryn said...

LOVE YOU, sweet friend!!!!!

sarah j. said...


Brooke said...

Well said dear friend. Ruth Meador shared this quote and it resonated with me, maybe with you too?

"For every new step that we win in the Christian course, there must have been the laying aside of something...all along this race, this course, there must be set up altars to God on which you sacrifice yourselves or you will never advance a step" -Andrew MacLaren