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Monday, December 14, 2009

Being Still

"My soul waits in silence for God only . . ." Psalm 62:1a The nature outside right now is positively thrilling. I snapped a few shots on the way home from my midwife appointment today--NOT while I was driving mind you, but I did pull off on a quiet road and take a few pictures from the window of my van. It is sooooo pretty and just calling for us to get bundled up and explore. Unfortunately, I don't see myself trying to maneuver any deep snow for any more pictures in my current state. ;o)

I must at this point, admit some discouragement. The good news, 2 cm down, 8 cm to go. ;o) The bad, no thinning and a baby who's just kind of hanging around in a face up position. Pretty much all my babies have done this, and this is what causes bad back labor. I've managed to do all my labors without pain meds and I would prefer to do it this way again. But the thought of what's up ahead has me feeling rather weary with moments of panic descending. And I'm bummed that my midwife will be out of town this upcoming weekend/Monday. So I have given myself a time frame of either going in the next few days or going L.A.T.E.
And that's what I'm trying to reconcile with today. The fact *my plans* might be ignored--the plans that included not being late, not being in the hospital over Christmas . . . I honestly hadn't let myself consider the possibility. Or that even though my midwife has been able to deliver the other four, she might not be there for this one. As always it seems to me that my plans make such good sense, so carefully thought out . . .
Waiting is always hard. Waiting quietly, submissively for Him to work His way and plans. So often I'm busy, dancing around, fluttering here and there, trying to work it all the way I want it. I still have so much to learn about being still. To keep a heart that is calm and quiet, one that willingly goes with His plan.
Psalm 103:14
Just as a father has compassion on his children,
So the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.
For He Himself knows our frame;
He is mindful that we are but dust.
While I must admit to feeling more "clod-like" than "dust-like" at the moment, I do find comfort in this verse, that as always He knows what He is doing. He knows how I am feeling and He is compassionate. It is just my job to humbly wait while He works His plan out for my good.

3 comments:

Kathy said...

Esp. love pic #3. Thanks for sharing your thoughts during this time of 'waiting.' Those last days are definitely the hardest. Will be praying for you!

Anna said...

Love this posting, Janna--what an encouragement...and your pictures are beautiful! ..praying for you these last days! --for timing, and for your endurance. Thanks for the Scripture verses! I'm giggling at your 'clod' comment. :)

Jill said...

Praying for you!!