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Sunday, October 18, 2009

Today is the very last day . . .

(me--about 1 1/2 years old)

. . . of my twenties!!!! It's here--a day I've been anticipating/preparing for since I turned 29 last fall. There's something about those birthdays that have a "0" at the end that that just make you think. It's a great time to remember where I've been, contemplate where I'm going, and hopefully measure the growth that has come about.
I remember 10 . . . I was in fourth grade attending a country school 2 miles from my home, taking piano lessons from a neighbor lady. I loved to read, I loved to write. My dog had recently had her first and only litter of puppies. I named one Sparkles. My mom threw me a surprise party. My world was very small, my life very simple.
I remember 20 . . . I was newly engaged and had life completely figured out. I was living with a room-mate. I had quit Neb.raska Wes.leyan and was taking some classes at SCC, working in a Montessori preschool, teaching a bit of Kinder.musik. Life was fun, exciting, and pretty much centered around me, me, me.
And now to be facing 30. I am truly amazed at what ten years has brought about in my life.
I have almost 9 1/2 years of marriage under my belt, four going on five children, I've seen times of prosperity and times of extreme need. I've faced a major health issue. My twenties have been very, very full.

And as a result I have learned so, so much. I think the very most important lesson for me has been to accept that God is still in control, and He is calling the shots. Not me. And there were times, especially during the 2nd half of my twenties where I seriously questioned how He was working in my life. Times I found myself very unhappy with His plan. You automatically assume your life situation--finances, home, vehicle, etc.-- is going to keep improving, and you never dream of having to actually go backwards and basically start again. But that happened. You don't expect to be 26 and deciding which coastline to head to, in hopes of picking the right doctor to cut your head open. But that happened too. Stuff happens, life happens. And many times I found myself fighting God on the inside, angry at my life. That attitude lost me a lot of time I could have been enjoying the simple and tender graces and joys each day afforded me. There is no waiting for "the next best thing." There is just simply "now" and choosing to live it--whatever "it" may be--to the best of my ability, bringing glory to God with this day. It is a constant lesson in contentment, knowing what God has given me right now, is the best of His plan for me. There have been hard times, but in retrospect I wouldn't take back a single one. I can see His hand now guiding and shaping, when I thought He was overlooking and ignoring. Those times of neediness, desperation, hurt, fear--those were the times that brought about a greater reliance and a greater awe at how God works. And that was a good place to be. I would much rather be aware of those daily miracles because of my great need for them, than to be oblivious because I have the world "by the tail."

And so tomorrow I face 30, a new decade, a new era. I can't help but wonder what's up ahead, where will I be in ten more years? I'll have a house full of teenagers and pre-teens!!! And while I should bemoan the fact I'm *gasp* AGING--even though I still feel like I just got out of high school--I am rejoicing at the person I see God shaping. I think there's a much wiser person sitting here at 30 than there was at age 20. That makes me very happy, and makes 30 a very sweet birthday indeed.

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2 comments:

Mom said...

As you age, you definitely learn you can only rely on the fact that God is control. Thankful you are His child. Love, Mom

Anna said...

I see it too, love what you wrote. It's exciting to see the Lord working in your life! Happy, happy 30th, sweet girl!