Happy 4th to Jackson Macrae!!!

August 23, 2005 was my due date for you. I remember distinct feelings of devastation around noon of that day. I was in my third day of contractions that had no rhyme or reason to them, sometimes a half hour apart, sometimes 10 minutes, sometimes stopping for a few hours. I had pretty much given up on you making an appearance. And while I'd like to say that I was at peace with the whole situation the truth is I was REALLY BIG and it was SUMMER and I had some killer sciatic nerve pain that literally dropped me to the floor every evening. So, while my memory is a "bit fuzzy" there is a good chance I may not have been the most enjoyable person to be around. ;o)


However, things changed quickly. As afternoon rolled around it appeared I would not have to spend another day quite so rotund. We were settled in at the hospital by about 3 pm and you made your appearance an hour and a half later. All of the shocking 8 lbs. 5 oz. that you were--still holding the record for all my babies. Daddy was incredibly excited to meet his first boy. And all in all you were my best labor to date.

Your sisters adored you and you fit right in--you were a good baby and an easy adjustment to three children. And that was your first half year of life. Normal, sweet and rosy-hued.

And then came my brain tumor diagnosis, which really sliced it's way through life as we knew it. I'll never forget saying good-bye to you, nursing you for what would be the last time. I'll never forget seeing you for the first time after two weeks away. Going back to those moments still has the power to undo me.

But everything was okay, and life went on, and you kept growing and growing, until you looked like this:

Which still makes me laugh. You are my only claim to fame when it comes to a baby with some girth to him. You make your siblings look rather malnourished in comparison.

You have been my most challenging child and yet fascinating and delightful. Daily, you make me laugh with something you say or do, or one of your "notions." You baffle me at times. You make me keep stretching and growing and learning, just so I can figure out what makes you tick. You are maddening. You are hilarious. And you really, really love me. And I really, really love you. I can't believe you're already four and yet somehow it feels you have been a part of our lives for so much longer than that.

Happy birthday my Jackson-boy! May you grow up to be a man after God's own heart.